My First 5k

...of hopefully many!

This past Saturday I participated in the Country Music Marathon. I did the mini marathon. When I signed up for this a few months back, I was ready. I was pumped, motivated, and ready to train. Then I got sick (more than once) and hurt my arm. Training was the last thought in my mind. I kept putting it off, even after getting better. Life gets hectic, and the 5k was creeping up on me. I kept thinking in my head, "Who do you think you are? You have no business doing this. Back out now." I could not though. Even the night before when rain was on the way...I thought, "This is your chance to get out. Everyone will understand you didn't want to do it in the rain."

Apparently I was more set on this than I realized. I knew I wanted this. I knew I could not back out. It was in me to do it and I was aching for that accomplishment.

The day of the race I woke up at 4am. I hit snooze once and wanted to just turn off the alarm. I got up and got dressed, feeling anxious, but excited. My husband wished me good luck and I was on my way.

I got to the field where the finish was and boarded the shuttle that took us to the start. I was meeting my friends at the start, so I was alone. I immediately started feeling out of place. Most of the people on that shuttle were doing the half marathon or full marathon and looked as though they had done a few. I just sat there quietly and smiled nervously as people would look at me. I got off the shuttle and just followed the crowd. I had no idea what to do, what the "norm" was and just started wandering around. I grabbed a water and a banana and stood under a tree. I texted my friends and they were on their way. I wanted them to be there already. I was so nervous. It was 6:34 and they still hadn't arrived and I did not have my race bib on or my shoe tag. I asked a friendly face if she would help me and she was more than happy to. I started talking to a few people around me and realized how friendly everyone was. So many friendly people all in one place.

It started raining hard about 5 minutes before the race was going to start. I realized I had not gotten a pre-race pic yet and asked another friendly stranger to take a picture. Here I am :)

I was so unprepared and frazzled that day that I carried my wristlet. My COACH wristlet. In the rain. Boo me. Good thing I have back up. It had just started raining badly here. I wasn't quite soaked yet. 

My friends were still not here. I was freaking out. The race started and off I went. Luckily right at the start line they were there and ready to go! I was so happy and relieved. It was great to see them. I was ready. 

We walked. We walked and walked and walked. My body started hurting at mile 1. I was embarrassed. People walk miles in their sleep. I needed to rest at mile 1. I actually rested several times throughout the walk. And you know what? My friends never once made me feel bad about it. They were so supportive. I never felt rushed the entire way. These girls, Stephanie and Denise, convinced me to do something I never believed I could do. They made me believe in myself. I had incredible support by those girls that day, and will forever be grateful. I'm proud to call them friends. 

The second to the last time I sat for a minute, I was hurting really bad. In fact I started crying. I wasn't sure I could finish. My lower back was killing me. I was drenched. I hurt. Those tears only lasted for a second. I looked at my friends and said I was ready. I was quiet for a bit while I thought about what I almost did. I am not a quitter. You start something and you finish it. This was very important to me. I did this for myself. I doubted myself so much. I NEVER thought I could do it. Not in the shape I'm in now. I did this for ME. 

Here I am at the home stretch. 

I was smiling. Laughing. Happy. There was no more resting. This was it. I had come so far. I was almost there. Denise was probably telling me not to say mean things about myself because I had just mentioned that Stephanie was probably going to get my ice cream cone legs in the picture.

Another thing about these amazing women. They have the best spirit. They were so pumped and ready to go, and never once stopped encouraging me. They made me feel special. They showed me how awesome it was. They got excited with me. Oh, and these fabulous women went on to do the half marathon after it was over. They rock!!! So inspiring!

And then there is the finale. I rounded the corner to where the finish line was. My breath was suddenly taken away. I started gasping with emotion. It was a cry I had never cried. I started sobbing. I had really done this. The people were cheering and the announcer said my name as I crossed the finish line. It was the MOST incredible feeling.

My time was 1 hr 17 seconds. It felt longer. I was shocked and so proud.

I got my super awesome medal. Check it out.

So there is my experience. I am so very proud of myself. It was a day I will never forget, rain and all. I may have been walking like I'm 80 the last couple of days, but it is worth it. I'm ready to get to the gym. It has pushed me to become healthy. I want to do it again. I look forward to it. And to Stephanie and Denise who helped make this happen....THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!

My Goals for 2013

I am going to list some realistic goals for 2013.

1. Lose 30 lbs

2. Walk a 5k

3. Walk a half marathon

4. Fit into pants 2 sizes smaller

5. Take a Zumba class

6. Quit smoking

7. Job promotion


These goals are very doable, and mean a lot to me. The past few New Years I have said "This year I will lose the weight. I will not look this way next year, or feel this way." I am determined to make that a true statement.

Work Sucks

I am so sick of my job. Customer service sucks. People just beat you up. I have been in my current job for over 3 years. I love the company I work for and the people I work with. I work with my best friend and have made many other wonderful friends. This is the only thing that keeps me there. My last job was the exact opposite. I loved my job but hated my coworkers.

When I started my job I didn't think it was too bad. After about a year and a half of dealing with crappy customers, I started getting sick of it. Then I went on maternity leave, came back, and was okay again for awhile. Now I'm just over it. It stresses me out. It wears on me. I have tried for promotions/different positions only to be let down. If I could just get off the phones, I feel like I could be happier. The longer I'm in my current position, the more bitter I become and more I suck at my job. I used to be great, happy friendly, customer service Jessica. Now I'm sick of people's crap. I'm trying to suck it up until I can finally get that promotion I deserve, but the smart ass has started coming out of me. Please pray I can suck it up a little while longer.

You would probably think talking on the phone all day would not wear you out...but it does. By the time I get home, I am exhausted. My couch calls my name. I really wish my gym would move the punching bag to a more private location. It is located right at the front of the gym where people come in and out. I would love to punch it out and call it a day, but I would be way too embarrassed. I'm thinking about asking them if there is anywhere else they can put it.

Luckily, all is forgotten from my crappy work day when I get home. My sweet son greets me with a huge smile, hug, and kiss, and my husband too. They are my reason. They make me want to be healthy. I want to be healthy and live long for them.

Happy Good Friday! Goodnight.

Easter Candy

You know those little mini cadbury eggs? Well...I made the mistake of getting a bag while getting little man's Easter basket together. I think we went shopping...Tuesday? Bag is done today. I shared at least.

I am going to start walking Monday. I am looking forward to it. I am finally going to put my fears behind me and just do it. I'm grateful for the support I've been given lately to help push me.

Off subject..I got me a new phone today. I love it. The iPhone 5  :) I'm hoping to use it more for when I walk too. I need to get Endomundo app.

Well, I'm tired but I really wanted to make sure I posted tonight. I'll hopefully have a chance to write more tomorrow!

Update

I've been absent awhile. I'm not surprised, I'm terrible at keeping up a blog. Plus, I've been ashamed of myself. I feel like every time I write I have to give some new excuse as to why I have been unsuccessful. Excuse after excuse gets old. I get sick of hearing it come from my own mouth. 

I signed up for a 5k about 2 weeks ago. I'm super stoked. I wanted to start training when I signed up but I fell on my arm. I hurt it bad. It is not broken, however, my disability makes it a little tougher to maneuver with one arm. The doctors say try to be as immobile as possible. HAHA very funny. I have a wild toddler. This is not super easy. My husband has been extremely helpful with taking care of little man and doing things around the house. Once again though, exercise is halted. I feel like it has been one thing after another. 

I started thinking. Yes, it has sucked, but I think in the back of my head I have welcomed the excuses to get me out of exercise. I'm scared to start back. I'm lazy. I am afraid of the 5k and looking like a wimp when I'm sweating after 3.1 miles. People RUN 3.1 miles daily. It is nothing. It scares the crap out of me though. So many healthy people will be there. 

After talking to a friend last night, I decided, screw it. I can do this. I am stronger than my injury. I have joined a small group of women in a fitness/support group. I am amazed at the support I have been given. It really does help to have people cheering for you and truly rooting for you to succeed. I feel very blessed that they have asked me to join their group. 

New Hair

Everyone!! Come and see how good I look!! :)

I luuuurve it. Automatic confidence boost. Now to get my workout on. I'm getting my sexy back!!

Feeling Mopey

Oh woe is me. Poor pitiful me. I go through these moods sometimes. I hate them. I feel bad about myself, low self-esteem, sad for no reason...I hate it. I used to be the most confident girl. I want that back so bad.

I'm feeling fat and ugly. I have a husband that makes me feel beautiful and a little boy that thinks I'm the world, but I can't seem to make myself feel that way.

I have been going strong on the no fast food since January 7th. I have not drank a coke in 7 days. These things are great, but I haven't worked out, I still eat bad, and I've been sick off and on since November.

I think being sick off and on since November has taken its toll. I am mentally exhausted. I am physically exhausted. The husband has given me times to rest too. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I was letting my hair grow out to its natural color. I started doing that this time last year. It's only halfway there. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting it done Tuesday. I'm hoping it makes me feel pretty. I need something to make me feel pretty.

I keep saying I'm going to start back to the gym. Things keep coming up. MUST.FIND.TIME.

Sorry for the uber depressing post. I needed to let some of that out.